However, their latest post struck a chord with me and really hit home. "Men Are Men, Right?"...and kinda coincides with the name of this blog.
Over the past week I've been having a debate with a few of my nearest and dearest as well as a few randoms. The issue being "whose responsibility is it to pay for the first date?"
Conditions being:
1. The guy initiated contact with you.
2. He then suggests meeting up.(Hoping that he's grown enough to not suggest his "yard").
3.You then arrange to meet up in a social setting. (Cinema, Bowling, Nandos, Whatever Floats Your Boat)
Is this a situation that it should be every (wo)man for themselves, or the classic gentleman's approach of treating a lady?
However, this great debate has lead me to ask some questions about myself and my whole approach to dating. I'm a traditionalist. I believe in the whole courting stages...and love to be wooed. A big romantic at heart. However I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. For a man to get to my heart I believe he has to work.
My guy friend who believes that I'm crazy for thinking this way assumed that it's because secretly I'm living the life of a Blackberry Babe.
This goes back to the original point highlighted in the BWNG post "Men no longer know how to be men...and the same for women (not knowing how to be women)...but more so men"
Maverick covered the male perspective of the issue but I'm more concerned with the female aspect...although I've been referred to as a traditionalist living in a 1960's African village...have I lost all sense of how to be a woman?
Am I letting this huge sense of pride rule my heart? Am I no longer letting a man be a man? And is the era of the independent woman the cause of this?
I'm all for women's rights and I'm grateful for the epic moments in history that have allowed me to have opportunities to work in certain industries without being discriminated upon. Have songs such as Destiny's Child "Independent Women" killed the role that men long to play in our lives?
At this stage in my life I don't consider myself to be completely independent (after all, I'm a university student relying on student loan and the bank of dad). I am however, completely independent of a man, and I'm not asking for a man to support financially. But I mean who wouldn't love to hear a man say "No don't worry, I got you".
Being raised in an African household, although I was raised by a single mother, my father was active for most of my childhood. And my perception on how a MAN should behave around women is based on him. For example my dad would be so offended if he went to a restaurant with females and they offered to pay..it's almost like an insult "Do you not think I can not afford it?"..now I'm not saying you should live beyond your means..if you can't afford Nandos, then you can't afford Nandos!...But be creative. We live in city which offers numerous free activities...take a trip to the park and have a picnic!
I'm a strong believer in being wooed and I don't think it makes me any less of a woman because I would let a guy who I'm interested in pay for the first date.
Feel free to continue this debate below guys..
Cocoa
:)
I Have to say that I totally agree with you on this one. Men should still pay to take women out on dates and all the rest of it, ESPECIALLY when they first meet. Considering the fact that men usually approach women, why should we then pay to be taken out.? Perhaps if a woman were perusing a man, then maybe different rules apply here, but in general men should pay.
ReplyDeleteI think that as you addressed here men are playing off of the fact that women want to be independent as famously noted by Destiny's Child, but maybe they should be reminded of TLC's "Scurbs"! If we are going to continue with these song analogy's then I am all for Usher's "Trading Places" idea noting that he is the one who usually does everything for his lady.
I find "men" these days have this stink attitude that is just boring, but even more so funny, because you make yourself look like a broke/stingy clown and it will result with the fact that you will end up with a certain calibre of girl/woman, I would go as far as to say ugly or mug! Maybe that is too harsh, because there are some beautiful and intelligent women who prefer to pay their own way, but I'm sure they are not paying for the first dates all the time! More so, I believe that once a couple move in together, men want their girlfriends to look good, clean, cook, do their laundry and raise their children. So if these roles are not altered for us, then how the hell can you not pay for first dates. I think it is a small, but crucial part to play in a relationship, because no one can tell me where you can get a cleaner, a chef, a maid, and nanny who will walk around looking stunning at all times FOR FREE!
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and till this day he still pays for everything. I have never paid for a meal EVEN IF I OFFERED. After being with someone who was the complete oppoisite for three years (god only knows how) it is not hard to distinguish between who is the man and who was the little boy and I have to say after being with my current boyfriend I would NEVER settle for less. This isn't because I thrive off of material things or I want to be spoilt, but because I believe all women who conduct themselves as respectable women, deserve to be treated in a certain way. Bottom line is MAN UP OR SHUT UP, because for everyone of you scrubs out there, there is man who knows how to treat a woman right...and you will get ducked.